i've been delinquent in writing. why? because i haven't had much to say... haven't been thinking much... haven't been wrestling with much... not because there isn't so much to think about and wrestle with- there always is- i've just been "here". when i say "here", i don't mean a healthy, active, waiting on the Lord "here", as i've had the privilege of doing in the past... but instead it's been a passive, waiting-to-see-what-God-will-bring-in-a-month sort of thing.
so, what's the difference?!
the difference in actively waiting on the Lord versus passively waiting on what the Lord has in store is HUGE, though it can play out in ever-so-slight ways. the first one- the way i believe God calls us to wait- is waiting on HIM... this implies being with Him as i wait. the second- the one i've been doing- implies waiting to see what earthly manifestation of being with Him He may or may not have in store for me... thus, not being with Him while i wait, but waiting on Him to act.
this difference is quite evident in examining how i live TODAY. yes, it's a fact that several aspects of my life are in limbo right now. and yes, i fully believe & trust that God has a plan and i will see some of it play out in the next few weeks or months. however, neither of these truths exempt me from doing what i need to do today. as i passively wait, slowly but surely, i'm simply existing. not rebelling... not fully engaging... just existing- without even realizing it. it's an "i'm just waiting" attitude that looks to the future and squanders today - with all its opportunities for worship, prayer, reading the Word, being with the Lord as i wait for Him.
i truly believe this is one of the greatest ways satan diverts Christians in america today. we allow him to fool us into passively waiting to see what God will do next - meanwhile, we are missing the opportunity to see what God IS doing now. i guess my hope is that in exposing what i believe the enemy is trying to do (and what i've been letting him do!) in my life during this "holding pattern" period i'm in, that i will be accountable to do what i need & even WANT to do today. i have a choice in this.
if i'm not careful, as i inadvertently choose to passively wait, i will slowly walk into all the things i do NOT want to be. i do NOT want to be apathetic... or complacent... or indifferent... or "whatever". and when i wait passively, i open myself to become these things-- in attitude, which transfers into way of life. this is NOT what God wants of me, not what Christ died for- i know it! i repent of passive waiting... and i ask for help - cry out to God and others for accountability - to NOT fall into this pattern!
i pray for active surrender, in God's power. yes, i can be in a holding pattern in a worldly way- in the flesh... but in the spirit, i must be active. i want to be hopeful and wait expectantly for what God will do in my life, but only as i actively wait WITH Him... as i daily- TODAY- look to what He IS doing in me, around me, and potentially through me. and perhaps in that active waiting- looking to Him, seeking His face, reading His Word... i will unknowingly walk right into His next step... one i never would have taken if waiting in passivity. Lord... have your way in me.
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great thoughts June! it is so difficult to wait on the Lord because i usually believe i have a better plan that can be accomplished in my timing.
in Ps. 38:13 david writes that he has become like a deaf man who can not hear and like a mute man who cannot open his mouth. david is describing the process of waiting on the Lord (passive active). Rather than responding to the projection of fear, shame, and guilt david is being still (passive) and listening (active). david can confidently do this even when it is counterintuitive to his desire to act immediately because he knows that God hears his cry (Ps. 40:1) and that God will answer (Ps. 38:15). david then can confidently follow where the Lord is leading rather than listening to any other external expectation. it is exciting to see your willingness as well!
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